How to Have People Over

—and Actually Enjoy It

There have been countless times I’ve walked into a spotless house only to hear the host apologize for the mess. We do it without thinking. We do it because we’re conditioned to. The apologies slip off our tongues. It’s an insidious way of reinforcing the belief that we’re not good enough.

“Don’t judge, please.”

I hear this a lot when I am invited into someone's house for the first time. Part of this preemptive plea is because I write about our home lives. I want to tell them the experience of walking into someone's house for the first time couldn’t be farther from looking at decor inspo on Instagram. 

I’m not looking for marble countertops or your uncluttered entryway. I’m looking for you.

These past few months, I’ve been reflecting on the hesitation many of us feel about having people over to our homes. I wrote an essay on this topic in May, exploring what home means to us and sharing tactical ways to reframe some common insecurities about our spaces. The topic struck a cord for a wide swath of people, and as I continued to sit with it, a clearer picture emerged of what this dynamic means. I continue to get messages on this topic today. A recent person asked, “What can you do when you hate your house?”