Kate’s Five Things #18
Going Through the Motions
Catching up…
Writing this little newsletter feels absurd in light of all the acute horror of recent days and weeks. If reading this today doesn’t feel right, I get it. The frivolity of throw pillows and furniture arrangements sitting alongside a humanitarian crisis unfolding in real time is stomach-churning. And yet this whiplash acutely points out the inequity and cruelty of our world as it is today.
Throughout all historical crises, life has continued alongside the brutality. The cognitive dissonance of moving through life as real horror unfolds is alarming—and the default response is one of guilt and shame.
In therapy last week, I was reminded that individually we cannot hold the weight of the world on our shoulders, because it will crush us if we try. And there are people in each of our lives who need us to keep going. So while I may be going through the motions of my life and my job, I am reminded that no matter how heavy and nauseating grief feels, we must do both: care for ourselves and others so we can endure AND do the slow and steady work of seeing the change we want for the world become a reality.
I am not looking away. I hope you don’t either. While I am far from educated enough to lead this discussion, sometimes the best thing we can do is read from those who are.
Last week’s House Call…
In last week’s newsletter, I wrote some thoughts on “intentional maximalism” in the essay “6 Lessons I’ve Learned From Minimalists That Are Helping Me Become an Intentional Maximalist.”
Here’s an excerpt from the post:
“Looking at the habits of minimalists through the lens of a maximalist allows me to notice fresh perspectives and gain a unique understanding of the advantages of my own sensibilities.
It helps me understand my own desires more deeply and, in turn, prioritize them. A minimalist mindset requires intentionality in every sense of the word, and it is my hope to take these lessons and incorporate them into my own creative practice at home.
I’m calling it Intential Maximalism.
‘Intentional maximalism’ refers to a deliberate and purposeful embrace of a maximalist lifestyle or design aesthetic. It's about consciously choosing to incorporate excess, abundance, and an eclectic mix of elements in various aspects of one's life, including fashion, interior design, personal expression, and more. This concept stands in contrast to minimalism, which emphasizes simplicity, decluttering, and a ‘less is more’ approach.”
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How I'm feeling this week…
I have found myself open to new ways of thinking lately. I started working with a new therapist on some phobia issues I’ve had since going off my antidepressants last fall. It’s a different approach than cognitive behavioral therapy, one that focuses less on what has happened in the past and more on building the skills to cope with uncertainty and change today. It is refreshing. Despite all that is going on with the world, I have found that building our sense of agency in the face of challenging circumstances is crucial.
What's in my cart…
We are going on a trip for my upcoming birthday (and our ten-year wedding anniversary!) and I realized our luggage had taken quite a beating over the past several years. So I purchased this suitcase last week. They are currently having a sale that’s worth checking out if you are in the market.
What I'm consuming…
I’m starting to cook again. I think it’s the cooler weather and my knee-jerk reaction to feed people when life feels wobbly. I made this udon pork stir fry on Saturday and this chili recipe along with a delicious batch of cornbread on Sunday. These Korean beef bowls were a hit earlier this week and this chicken shawarma wrap is on my list to make next. I also purchased the Barbie movie and watched it with Joe on his birthday this week. It was totally worth the thirty bucks because it feels good to laugh when you are sad and that movie hits the spot.
What resonated with me…
Anne Helen Petersen grapples with the follies of aging into the middle. She writes about what it means to be “washed,” and while the existential crises of feeling “old” have been recycled similarly to those who preceded us, she believes us elder millennials are experiencing something different. Take a read here.
A question I've been asking myself lately…
Am I holding empathy for myself and others? When I feel bristled, called out, angry, or defensive, I am reminded of the gift of asking myself what it means to me. Whatever context the other person has will remain mostly a mystery, even if they are the most skilled communicator. Our world is mostly a mirror that is reflected back to us, and big reactions like anger and pride offer opportunities for growth. So think before you respond. Go inward. Think about what it could bring up in you. Find space to process. Write. Be tender with what comes up, but be honest with yourself and what you see. What we fear about ourselves is scarier in the dark.
Space of the Week
The home of Remy Renzullo. It’s stately yet completely relaxed. I loved this quote: “I’m a decorator by trade but I’m weirdly anti-decoration. I hate anything too done-up or perfect—and I always approach rooms furniture-first.”
Photography by Mark Anthony Fox for FT.
Until next week,
Thank you, thank you, thank you from a long-time reader/follower whose husband is Palestinian. Your words here mean more than you will ever know. 💕
Your knee-jerk reaction to feed people when life feels wobbly ❤️ I love that.