Kate’s Five Things #25

Metaphorical Head Trauma and Mini Epiphanies

Catching Up

I’m fighting a nasty cold so I’m going to keep things brief today. I don’t have much to catch up on per se, although I feel like more has changed in the past two weeks than it has in the past nine months. That’s how growth works, right? The series of events that unfolded this past month felt a lot like someone snuck up behind me and whacked me on the top of my head. But the head trauma left me with a clearer vision of what was in front of me. 

I can see now that we can feel utterly lost and totally at home at the same time. I find this to be the most comforting(?) realization I’ve had in my adult life. Perhaps the one that has felt the most sustainable. Nothing needs to be *just so* (or even good) to feel OK. Maybe this is what a regulated nervous system looks like??

Or perhaps our attachment to how our life is supposed to be is our greatest source of personal suffering?

Last Week’s House Call

In last week’s newsletter, “The Characteristics That Make a ‘Perfect’ Home,” I wrote about how the idea of achieving this level of perfection within the home is the very thing that keeps us stuck in decision paralysis. 

Here’s a snippet:

“Our homes truly are an extension of ourselves. What makes a home ‘perfect’ will always be unique to the individual. It's not about attaining some universal ideal but rather creating a space that feels right for you and supports you in your journey through life. This is the essence of a ‘perfect’ home.

If you feel overwhelmed by this post or like you’re ‘missing’ the mark, remember that knowing what we want and like is incredibly difficult for most people, myself included. Some of us know what we like but doubt it in favor of the opinions of others. It doesn’t always feel good to come to the realization that we have been neglecting what we truly desire. There is a whole mess of guilt, embarrassment, and shame around it. 

I want to give you a gentle reminder that fighting who we are at our core is an uphill battle—whether we’re fighting it subconsciously or consciously. I hope this post acts as a call to follow the thread of your wants and desires, and shows you how much of what you’ve already created for yourself is inherently good enough as it is.”

If you like topics like this one, please consider upgrading to a House Call paid membership! It’s how I’m able to do more of this (writing and creating) and less sponsored content. Thank you to everyone who has become a paid supporter of my work.

How I'm feeling this week…

Incredible relief. The rocky start to 2024 has been more transformative than the slog of 2023, and it feels like all the work I’ve put in is paying off.

What's in my cart…

After a closet clean-out, I pulled the trigger on some key pieces, like this jacket I’ve wanted for over a year now, these faux leather pants, silver statement earrings and some silver sneakers. Practical? No. Fun? Yes. I also tried the Tower 28 Beachplease Lip + Blush Tint and it did not disappoint. It’s a thicker, more pigmented balm than Jones Road (which is also good). I went with a peachy color called Rush Hour.

I have started to scout bathing suits for the summer. Where are you shopping for yours??

What I'm consuming…

I am wrapping up A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles and starting The Creative Act by Rick Rubin. I also limped through the final episode of The Crown, which (I think) lost steam throughout seasons five and six.

What resonated with me…

“Everyone’s a Sellout Now” by Rebecca Jennings for Vox on what it takes to be an artist making a living wage these days.

Here’s an excerpt from the article:

“​​You’ve got to do it even though the people rewarded for “putting themselves out there” are most often the same people society already rewards. You’ve got to do it even though algorithms are biased against poor people, against people of color, against people who don’t conform to patriarchal societal norms. ‘We all have access to these platforms that don’t cost anything, but that’s often mistaken for ‘there are no socioeconomic barriers,’’ explains Christina Scharff, a gender and media studies scholar at King’s College of London who has studied expectations of self-promotion among women in classical music. ‘The barriers are much more hidden: You have to know how to present yourself and how to create visuals that are appealing.’ Not only that, but by doing so, you’re exposing yourself to harassment and ridicule. ‘It’s harder for racial minorities, women, trans people, or other minoritized groups, because if you’re already vulnerable in one way or another, that can backfire,’ she adds.” 

After a dinner party where a few little quips were being made about paywalls on Substack, this piece was one I needed to read. Many people don’t understand the economics of content creation. And that’s OK because we can’t always be understood or get validation from our peers that what we’re doing is acceptable. One gets to a point where parts of this job require us to disconnect from what it used to mean to “sell out.” Every job has an element of “suck” to it. Moving beyond feeling uncomfortable and into what it means to stand behind the value I create wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t redefine what it means to promote my work.

Could failing to stand behind our work be considered a form of self-betrayal? Or at the very least, signals you might be questioning the value of your work itself? I have a lot of questions this week. And speaking of questions:

A question I've been asking myself lately…

How can I best support myself? How can I best support my family? I had a frank conversation with Joe last week about this. Yes, we need each other's support… But how? Our needs vary wildly. When we guess what someone needs, we probably project our own needs. So he made his list, and I made mine. It turns out both of us had skirted past the details of what we needed and how to get it. Perhaps we don’t know the answer to the question itself!

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Space of the Week

The living room of the home of @austin.scaggs and @peachlou of @pierceandward
Photo @tycole

xxx,

Kate