Kate’s Five Things #26
The February slog and candlelit breakfasts
Catching Up
Hello, Kittens. I hope your February slog is not so sloggy. I’m eating a lot of soup and bread and throwing myself into creative work to keep distracted from the weight of winter.
Even with the gloriously mild weather we’re having, the stillness of February arrived and felt threatening. The longest, shortest month, I curse!
Never once have I not made it through a February. Yet every year, on the coldest and stillest of mornings, I wonder how I’ll make it. It’s silly and absolutely over the top, and yet the thought never fails to bloom fully in my mind. And when it does, I remember me, rushing through December, wishing for this exact kind of stale stillness I’m sitting in now.
There are many bittersweet gifts that arrive when we begin to feel more at home in who we are. One such gift is accepting how many years we’ve wished away the present for a future we’ll miss entirely.
So, let’s light a candle at breakfast this weekend and, while eating our eggs, thank February for its gift of boredom and slowness. Because before long, we’ll be wondering why we didn’t savor those moments when they were bountiful.
Last Week’s House Call
In last week’s newsletter, “Thoughts on Taking Your Home (and Style) Less Seriously,” I wrote about taking a lighter approach to decorating our homes.
Here’s a snippet:
“When we moved into this home in 2020, I felt lost and uninspired creatively, but I didn’t feel I could stop and acknowledge this reality. I probably didn’t even know how to define it as such at the time. I relied a lot on outside opinions to influence my decisions because I didn’t know what I wanted. Outsourcing opinions was a way to combat my indecision and, so I thought, a better way of making the ‘right’ choice for every tiny detail. Spoiler alert: I was totally wrong about this!
I learned during this period that there are no ‘right’ answers, only a series of good options. What I didn’t understand is that you don’t have to put yourself through hell while selecting one.
Creating our home is supposed to be fun. It’s meant to be restorative. It’s a hobby you and I have been called to. We see the value in beautiful spaces. So why does it all feel so serious sometimes?”
If you like topics like this one, please consider upgrading to a House Call paid membership! It’s how I’m able to do more of this (writing and creating) and less sponsored content. Thank you to everyone who has become a paid supporter of my work.
How I'm feeling this week…
Hopeful. :)
What's in my cart…
A notable purchase: If you love vintage Levi’s, try these. I also got these face masks that give you baby soft rejuvenated skin overnight. As for what’s IN my cart… another cardigan I do not need but LOOK AT HER. I am also really into this dainty watch.
What I'm consuming…
I purchased the books Come and Get It, The Bee Sting, Poor Dear, and On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. I am also starting the show One Day this weekend, which I have heard nothing but amazing things about!
What resonated with me…
Katherine Morgan Schafler’s book, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control.
I identify as a “recovering perfectionist.” Perhaps you do, too. In this book, Schafler argues that this label is harmful, and we’ve weaponized perfectionism as another way to disconnect women from their power. I listened to this audiobook first. Then, I bought a copy and just finished my second read.
I haven’t read a self-help book that I understood in my bones like this one. It snapped the cycle of self-punishment like a twig and left me feeling incredibly hopeful. I would encourage any woman who feels like there is just “something wrong with her” to read this.
A question I've been asking myself lately…
Where do can I practice self-compassion?
At dinner this week, my girlfriends and I were talking about that feeling we have before someone new comes into our house. We talked about how we tend to think, What if they notice those spots in carpet? Shoot, my spoons don’t match. Why am I like this. Why did I invite her over? And then we laughed. Because, the weight of our worry is so mismatched to the experience of connecting with that friend, having the best time, and realizing, wow—I had nothing to worry about at all.
The feeling of being exposed is so natural in those moments, and yet, without letting our friends see who we are, we miss out on connection entirely.
We all need more self-compassion. We all need to respond to these very normal, natural feelings of vulnerability with the love and support of someone who sees us as a complete, wonderful being—not an improvement project. And if that person you invite over happens to be vocal about whatever imperfections you have in your house, great. You know they’re not worth having as a close friend.
This question is a direct takeaway from Katherine Morgan Schafler’s book (linked above). Without self-compassion, perfectionism is often maladaptive, meaning it hurts more than it helps. Intuitively, I’ve found kindness is key in reducing almost all of my interpersonal conflicts, so it makes sense that self-compassion would be an antidote to inner suffering. I’m looking forward to seeing what comes from this question.
Space of the Week
The most cheerful bathroom I’ve seen in a long time, designed by @lonikachande, who is one of my favorite designers to follow!
Photography by @milobrown_photography
xxx,
Kate
