Kate’s Five Things #33

Viva Le Suck!

Jun 27, 2024

Me and my loaf cake before a summer dinner party

Catching Up

A few weeks ago I made mango salsa for a dinner of pulled pork tacos. If you’ve ever handled a mango in its raw form, you know the process of skinning and prepping it can be precarious if you don’t possess a specific set of knife skills. And even when you approach it properly, the business of removing the flesh from the pit is the most unsatisfying of all fruits. It is impossible to do without sacrificing a criminal amount of flesh.

As I sliced and scored and cut mango after mango, I kept thinking about how much it sucked. This fruit that yields so little from so much effort—was it worth it?? I kept going, but I was grouchy. The salsa was delicious and, frankly, made the difference between good tacos and great tacos. However, my feelings of impatience and irritation about the process reminded me of how I’ve felt about work since my great burnout of 2023.

I’ve sat with the ambivalence most of us know well: We want the sweet taste of arriving at our goals, but question whether it’s worth the sacrifice—be it time, energy, or the risk of failing.

Later that same week, I chatted about this in a coaching session with Kristine Claghorn. I asked her, “Now that I am wiser and I know what happens when I burn out, how do I find joy in my work again?” And she asked me a question that changed my perspective instantly: “What would happen if you took the pressure off? What would work feel like then?”

As someone who can’t cut a mango without thinking about optimization, this had never been an option before. But now… I racked my brain for a response. What would my life be like without pressure? How would I show up and spend my time?

I glanced down at my to-do list and laughed. There, I saw the things I was griping about doing, and the list didn’t seem to suck so much. Without the pressure, the mundane and time-intensive tasks—the mango-cutting tasks—felt like a call to return home. The joy of my work was hiding in plain sight, beneath the pressure to succeed and monetize and make my career something I’d look back on and be proud of.

Sometimes we lose our way and forget what motivated us to make mango salsa in the first place. Sometimes we’re at the phase of a new beginning where the work sucks more than it rewards. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort. In fact, it yields more than great salsa or resume talking points. Showing up for the sucky parts of work gives us the gift of internalizing the progress. The journey will always yield more fruit than the reward.

Last Week’s House Call

In last week’s newsletter, “The Courage to Try Less,” I explored how we blur the line between validation and self-expression, specifically in our homes.

Here is a snippet:

“I became home decor-obsessed when I was in my teens. I couldn’t wait to strike out on my own and make my home exactly what I wanted it to be. It’s a wonderful thing, to delight in the expression of self in our environments. But when we’re still learning who we are, and maybe we don’t like who is reflected back to us, the home becomes a way of building a mask or persona to thwart potential rejection. . . .
Someone said to me recently, ‘I cannot help but think of all the memories I missed out on by not feeling comfortable inviting people into my house.’ If you find yourself moving away from connection for fear of being judged by what your home looks like, you’re creating a home for the approval of others. I say this as someone who’s done that in the past—and at the time, I didn’t know how it was negatively impacting me. If we can face that unsavory truth, we can begin to build what is truly ours and not a reflection of how we want others to perceive us.”

If my writing resonates and enriches your life, please consider supporting my work with a House Call paid membership! The support of readers is how I’m able to do more of this (writing and creating) and less sponsored content.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

How I'm feeling this week…

One foot in front of the other. I am enjoying whatever is in front of me, learning to step away from a performance mindset and into a joy mindset.

What's in my cart…

I shared the RHODE x West Elm bedding collection last week (see how it looks in my bedroom!), and I’m thinking about picking up this insanely good tray, a few napkin sets, and this gorgeous shower curtain and bathmat. Obsessed!

What I'm consuming…

I just opened Tower of Dawn, the second to last book in the Throne of Glass series. A friend of mine who is reading the series is revisiting The Lord of the Rings trilogy of films while she reads (a bid from her partner to take a break from the books and spend time with him). I love the pairing.

What resonated with me…

I’ve been gobbling up the podcast This Jungian Life. Topics that have been illuminating for me include cancel culture, the psychology of strife, low energy, self-loathing, longing, why we make others feel bad, identity crisis, and the alchemy of writing.

They tackle taboo topics that ultimately leave you feeling hopeful and with a deeper understanding of your patterns. Plus, they decode a reader’s dream at the end of each episode, which I find fascinating!

A question I've been asking myself lately…

Can I sit with it? My relationship with rumination changed for the better when I stopped trying to fight negative thoughts and instead got curious about what the thoughts were trying to mask.

What I've discovered is my “laziness and procrastination problem” was masking fear, and “being busy all the time” was masking loneliness. It’s helped me access the compassion and care I need to actually meet emotions I’ve programmed myself to suppress. It’s not fun, but it beats eating your feelings or reaching for alcohol.