Kate's Five Things #47
as if Monday were a Thursday
Catching Up (a little this week…)
My daughter and I were watching a docuseries about bugs recently, a subject I am not particularly passionate about—but I sat down with my full attention because it was clear she was adamant about me learning something.
Mommy! Mommy! Look and see!
I love it when she says this because she means it. She means to really look, and see. Bennett really wanted me to learn about ants.
I remembered how, especially in the summer, she’s always very aware of ants in the vicinity and, at times, had outcries of hysterics when spotting them. And after looking and seeing and learning about ants, I get it.
Ants are something to behold.
They swarm and bite and sting. They’re master communicators and the most compelling examples of teamwork. Not only are they super strong, they’re tough. You can’t get rid of them. They’re cunning. They can herd a predator away from its resources and then attack in mass. Carpenter ants can take down entire homes.
There is a harrowing scene where a colony of fire ants survives a flood by clinging together for hours underwater. Water rushes in; they form a solid mass by clinging to one another.
The visual hit home: the community endures.
Sometime during the middle of the pandemic, I started to look for the underpinnings of divisive social media content. Harmless hot takes and ones that breed misinformation often use the same story formulas. It’s widely known ruffling a few feathers is practically a requirement for a social media post to reach eyeballs, thanks to our animal instincts and Zuckerberg's “engagement” algorithms. Unfortunately, it’s not all fun and memes. The political and socioeconomic impact of this is devastating.
Some groups and organizations benefit from a divided community. This has startled me enough to swallow my pride, hold my panic, and listen more. Instead of grabbing my pitchfork, I ask who wants me to be afraid, scared, and hostile. Who benefits from that? Who benefits from us being divided like this?
I restructured my news media intake to view it through a filter of resources and people I trust. I also cast a wide net to ensure I’m not seeing only one perspective. I try to pause before freaking out. I try.
I worry sometimes we’re at odds with the people we need to be hearing. I worry about the finger-pointing and fracturing within communities with similar needs but different ways of communicating them. Because we’re more powerful when united. We’re easier to control when divided.
Look, for many of us, it’s bleak and nearly impossible to access a “rise above” energy. But perhaps within our safest of circles, we can begin repair. And take it one step at a time from there.
House Call Last Week…
In last week’s House Call, “More Than Stuff,” I wrote about our attachment to our things. Here is a snippet:
The beauty of home—the things that make up the stories of our lives—is connected to this pain of loss. It is connected to the impermanence of everything and how fiercely we love and live with it.
Some things are simply space taken up, sometimes in avoidance of what matters. Some things make houses feel like homes—a stage on which meaning and memory are forged.
It's just stuff without a connection to ourselves, our stories, and what matters to us. Without it, home is a status symbol; it’s performance.
How I'm feeling this week…
I have been saying what’s been on my mind lately. I’ve been less in my head. It has opened up room for more creative energy. For this, I am relieved. I can see where I end, and my work begins, and that area where they overlap is healing.
What's in my cart…
A gift containing a silk sleep mask and robe arrived last week, which was perfectly timed because I spent most of it in loungewear. My go-to sweatsuit and Pilates gear (this top, these pants in jet black, and this sweatshirt and sweatpant set in heather grey) are in heavy rotation. Heavy as in four days this week.
I have early stages of rosacea and find I often have redness on my nose and cheeks. I’m giving the newest iNNBEAUTY product, Calm The Red Down, a spin this week. It retails for $54 and is two products in one—a serum for treating redness and a color corrector. I will share more thoughts on how it’s working on Instagram next week.
I also searching for a laptop sleeve for my new computer. I didn’t want the traditional leather folio or nylon zipper, which made my search more laborious than anticipated. My top pick is this one from Vera Bradley, which surprised me because I had never once been drawn to VB bag, even in the height of my sorority years. Dare I say they’re “in”? Something about their lack of “trendy” branding, graphics, and styling is refreshing. Why am I drawn to a fabric-quilted wallet? I don't know why, but I am.
What I'm consuming…
I’ve tumbled down an Eve Babitz hole. I can’t get enough. Sex and Rage, Black Swans, and Slow Days, Fast Company. I’ve been thinking a lot about the vulnerability and courage she had to scramble together to fulfill her artistic instinct, a force that seemed to have a life of its own.
I also have The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion on my bedside table. It’s been almost a decade since I read it, and I know it’s time to sink into it again, having been softened by life.
What resonated with me…
The growing conversation about “normal” sex lives thanks to Babygirl (which I have yet to see!), Kelly Oxford’s “Pick Me” post, and the energy of this photo series of Catholic “bad girls” from the 1980s.
A question I've been asking myself lately…
Can I unsubscribe from this narrative?
There are some narratives I hold on to that keep me small and stuck.
When I think about what it felt like being raised in a culture of fear—where as a child, my vulnerability and smallness were used to teach lessons about what I should and should not be or do—it becomes clear that shame is something we use to control someone else.
Shame gets convoluted with good intentions (love even) when the person wielding it cannot handle the fear of potential loss or the inability to cope with life’s ups and downs. But it’s always about control. Sometimes, we don’t outgrow this shame, and it becomes lodged into the fibers of our being. For a long time, I’ve subconsciously lived as the same kid who might dart across the street and get crushed by the garbage truck—never entirely trusting myself. Never believing the world is safe to inhabit without much care and monitoring. It’s not rational or conscious, but our bodies hold on to it.
I started a notebook where I revisited narratives from my past and rewrote them from a place of security and trust. It’s given me some power back, helped reframe old ways of thinking, and bolstered my confidence. Failures become lessons; embarrassments are character-building, and blunders become the comedy of life, the backbone of what good stories are made up of.
Home of the Week - on hiatus for a bit!
Note: We’re pivoting from Space of the Week to Home of the Week to feature real people sharing real-time stories, photos, and updates of their evolving homes. If you have a submission, email us at hello@witanddelight.com with the subject line HOUSE CALL FEATURE.
Kate
"I restructured my news media intake to view it through a filter of resources and people I trust. I also cast a wide net to ensure I’m not seeing only one perspective. I try to pause before freaking out. I try."
Beautiful. Something we should all strive to do.