Kate's Five Things #52

Five Lessons From Trying to Force My Own Surrender

I spent last week at Esalen Institute, where the cliffs drop into the ocean and everyone wears the same expression of hopeful skepticism. I went to "work" on self-trust and inner wisdom, which is like saying you're going to schedule spontaneity. I know this because people make a specific facial expression when they're trying to feel something they're not feeling yet. I made this face for three straight days. The paradox of “working” on this kind of work felt like a joke everyone else was in on but me.

After five days, I was humbled, resigned, and blissed out of my gourd. Here are just five of the many lessons I brought home with me.

1. My body knows things my mind keeps interrupting. At Esalen, I finally let it finish a sentence.

2. The word "relationship" keeps appearing in my notes, though I can't remember writing it. Relationship to myself, community, possibility, and the voice that wonders if I'm doing everything wrong.

3. The harder I worked, the further away everything felt. The moment I stopped trying to figure everything out, something opened—not dramatically, but enough to audibly gasp, “OH,” and tug at the fabric of my perceived reality.

4. Esalen is so magical that at times, it is laughable. And yet, I was surprised to see how available the feeling of the place can be once you look for it in your own life. You don't bottle up Big Sur and take it home with you. You notice that feeling when you’re 3,000 miles away.

5. Control and possibility cannot occupy the same room. I am asking myself why I keep inviting both to dinner.

You cannot schedule wonder. You cannot force surrender. But you can create conditions for them to find you. Sometimes the light changes, and suddenly you're standing somewhere new without having taken a step.

House Call Last Week…

Last week, I wrote about second-guessing our taste and why it happens. I confessed to my habit of shooting down my best ideas the second they arrive—clear, bright, uninvited—because they don't feel hard-earned. I explored that crucial crossroads where desire and doubt collide, where personal style is either born or abandoned.

Remember this line that resonated with many: “‘Who am I?’ is the question of a lifetime, so maybe let's not expect ourselves to answer it perfectly every time we buy a rug."

Or this one that hits the nail on the head: "Taste isn't about getting it right. It's about being human enough to care—and trusting that's worth something."

Five Questions (for you and me)

When did you feel most at home this week?

Monday, 4:37 p.m. Driving with all windows down despite the cold, some song from 1996 playing, a momentary ray of sun hitting my arm at that specific angle that makes dust look romantic.

Where are you moving forward?

In small circles rather than straight lines. Which is still movement, though my to-do list disagrees.

Where are you stuck?
Between the person who alphabetizes her spice rack and the one who knocks over the basil, watches it spill, and thinks, I’ll deal with that later—I know where I stand. If this is what stuck looks like—this space between order and whatever the opposite of order is—I’ll take it. Gladly.

What did you consume that was regenerative?

Doctor Zhivago, 1965.

What question are you asking?

What if all this trying is the problem?

Your turn. Pen to paper, or whatever works.

Five Things I am Using and Loving

1. Kule T-Shirts — The Modern tee in classic stripes has the perfect weight (substantial without bulk) and washes beautifully without shrinking. The slightly boxy cut sits just right against the collarbones. Relaxed but not sloppy. Worth every penny for something you'll actually wear three times a week. $88 (20% off when buying more than 1)

2. Clé de Peau Intensive Fortifying Emulsion and Cream —Yes, the price is criminal. Yes, my skin looks like I drink water and sleep eight hours (I don't). The night treatment gives that elusive "plump but not shiny" effect that usually requires filters. $190 each

3. Rare Beauty Soft Pinch Liquid Blush and Liquid Contour — Selena Gomez created a blush that somehow looks natural despite being intensely pigmented. It’s super popular because of this voodoo magic: One dot blends to the perfect flush that lasts all day. The shade "Hope" works on virtually everyone. A little goes a very long way. The sister product to the blush, the Liquid Contour, creates shadows that look like actual shadows, not orange stripes. It blends without disappearing and stays put without setting powder. A little goes a long way. $25- $28

4. Lake & Sky 11 11 Eau De Parfum — Smells like what good decisions would smell like if they had a scent. Not sweet, not woodsy, just correct. I spray it on pillowcases, sweaters, tax forms, and my kids’ stinky backpacks. $98

5. Black Embroidered Floral Sambas — The dad shoe that somehow works with everything from jeans to dresses. The floral embroidery takes them from basic to "Where did you find those?" Comfortable enough for all-day wear while still looking intentional. $95+

Every week in Five Things, I share a reader’s story (or two) about the spaces that hold them—their favorite chair, the kitchen counter where all the good conversations happen, the room that inexplicably smells like childhood.

This Week’s Rooms of Our Own

From Meghan on Shifting Perspectives

“I’ve lived in my home for five years. A home I never fathomed being able to own. Welcomed two more babies in this home. The first and only home I’ve ever shared with my husband. And I too frequently find myself replaying a moment from nine years ago. My oldest daughter was four.

We lived in my brother’s 1920s craftsman home’s basement. I shared a room with my two daughters, centipedes scurried across the floors when I turned the lights on at night, the bathtub had mold creeping out of the caulking, I cooked every meal on a plug-in stovetop, and our living room doubled as my daycare space during the days when I watched my four nieces and nephew. I decorated the walls with the children’s artwork, and our home was filled with things we lovingly created with our own hands or that I gathered from the curb on our daily walks through the neighborhood.

I was in the trenches of being a fresh single mom when my girls came back to my house after a week with their dad. Layla walked through the basement door, hung her coat on a hook, took a deep breath, and released it as she sighed and said, “Oh it feels good to be home.”

I am filled with pride every time I think back on it. I created that feeling—with nothing essentially. I felt like I had nothing to offer my children at the time. But looking back, I had everything—family and a home overflowing with love. And I can only hope she feels that when she walks through the doors of the home we live in now. I love decorating and designing, moving furniture, and shopping for my home, but somehow I keep finding myself unsatisfied, always ready for the next project or thing to change. So thank you for this change in perspective. My kids don’t care about the aesthetics, if the room flows well, or where the light fixtures came from. Another reminder to let go. The true and constant reminder that we are not in control. Live for the moment and enjoy this life.

Growing up, my mom stopped for anyone and everyone to say hello and would never hesitate to take the time to listen if they had more to say. It drove our entire family crazy because we wanted to get on with whatever we were doing. She would always tell us, “I will never be the one to end a conversation because people are what matter.” And isn’t that the truth? Isn’t this why we create a home? So we can gather, be ourselves, and share our love?” - Meghan

Have a corner of home that feels true? Send a photo and a few words to kate@housecall.com.

---

Until next week,
Kate

P.S. The most beautiful homes are never the most composed ones.