The Joy of Setting the Table

My first Substack video, why the perfect taper candle is 18" tall, and 70+ items I love.

There’s something deeply comforting about a simple table—it signals to your guests that this is going to be easy, relaxed, the kind of dinner where you can show up in jeans and no one bats an eye.

Did you know the perfect taper candle is 18 inches tall?

Not 12 inches, which is what most stores sell. Not 10 inches, which always looks stumpy on a dinner table. Eighteen inches. That’s the height where candles become architecture—where they create the right amount of drama without blocking anyone’s view across the table.

I have spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about this.

Joe will tell you I’ve rearranged the candles on our dining table at least four times before guests arrive, adjusting them by inches, swapping out holders, debating whether three candlesticks look better than five. He’s not wrong. But here’s what he doesn’t understand: Candle placement is the difference between a table that feels like someone just threw some stuff on it and a table that makes people stop in the doorway and say, “Wow, this is beautiful.”

And I’m obsessed with creating that moment.

Setting a table is one of the only times I get to treat my dining room like a miniature design project with an actual deadline and real people who will experience it. There’s something thrilling about that—the way you can use height, color, pattern, and candlelight to completely transform the feeling of a meal.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to table setting: keep it simple, or go completely over the top. I’ve done both, sometimes in the same week. This year, I’m hosting both Friendsgiving and Thanksgiving, and I’ve already decided each table will look completely different. Thanksgiving will be minimal—just the essentials, nothing fussy, as it is just my in-laws and us. Friendsgiving will be maximal—the kind of table where I’m still adjusting those 18-inch tapers five minutes before everyone arrives, because moments like that make memories.

All that said: You’re not hosting the Queen. You’re feeding people you (hopefully) like. The table should feel good, not just look good.

So in the spirit of gathering season (and because I genuinely love talking about this), I’m breaking down both formulas—the essentials and the overachiever—so you can decide which one feels right for your table. And yes, I’ll tell you exactly where to get 18-inch taper candles.

This kind of perspective shift is what we explore every week in House Call. If you’re ready to transform your relationship with your home—and with yourself—consider becoming a paid subscriber. You’ll get access to deeper dives, small-group meetings, and a community of people who are redefining what it means to feel at home.