The Necessity of a Break

Learning the right way through doing it wrong.

I’ve learned that a break can be a new tool to utilize, one that’s part of the journey and not one that will halt it altogether. It’s scary to move away from these instincts to go as fast as you can toward what you want, but I’m realizing there are many benefits to creating this kind of space and time in my life.

I recently came to terms with a long and languishing burnout episode that made me second-guess who I’ve always known myself to be. I feel most myself when I’m pushing towards something, relishing in the zone of zero to sixty acceleration. And for the past couple of years, my accelerator has been broken—or missing altogether at times. I didn’t know where to begin to find my way back to me, so I started small, eating better and exercising a bit to help combat the sluggishness. Still, the sloth-like work ethic persisted even in the wake of feeling better physically.

I knew something was wrong when I pulled back from work with the intent to heal, but I still felt utterly exhausted when actively resting.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but I’ve thrown a fit about it. WHY can’t I just get over this? I find myself oscillating between agony and denial about what burnout means about me—like it’s some sort of character flaw and not my body sending up the SOS signal. This lasted until a few weeks ago when a thought popped into my head in the middle of the night: You don’t have to live like this anymore. 

I heard the call.