Kate’s Five Things #21

Making peace with the human carnival.

Catching Up

Thanksgiving break was a million years long and it was lovely. We did zero shopping, mostly getting rid of items from closets and the basement. We spent a lot of our time outside and with friends, read a lot, played games, and just… really enjoyed the company of each other. I find myself feeling extra grateful for the hard things in life this year. Allowing my career to shed itself to the barest of bones has changed me irrevocably, and there is relief in knowing that the breakdown was, in fact, 10000% worth it. I can confidently say that my spark and energy and love for life is back. Now, what to do with all that momentum…

If you want to listen to my thoughts on this week’s post, tune into my first video post here.

Last Week’s House Call

In last week’s newsletter, “How I’m Prioritizing Peace of Mind This Holiday Season,” I wrote about the invisible labor of the season and how to juggle your expectations with reality.

Here is an excerpt:

“While the holidays can often be overwhelming, remember that you can make different choices this year. First and foremost, you must set aside time to get clear on what you want your holiday season to look like. Ask yourself, What things have I done in years past that were the biggest hits? What practical tasks can I tackle (or delegate) that will lead to more enjoyable celebrations? What do I most want to do? What can I let go to prioritize what really matters?

Once you are clear on what you want your season to look like, write a list of things you think you can get done, then cut it in half based on what is most important. My list of priorities above? I’ll probably cut that down again. I won’t get to all of it, and I am happy with that.”

If you like topics like this one, please consider upgrading to a House Call paid membership! Sometimes I share bonus content like a peek at my interior decor projects. It’s how I’m able to do more of this (writing and creating) and less sponsored content. Thank you to everyone who has become a paid supporter of my work.

How I'm feeling this week…

Tired but in the best way. I’m putting more hours into work. I’m building some new habits around my creative process. I’m reminded that building new habits—no matter what the habits are—feels like pushing a rock up a hill for a long time before they actually become habitual. 

What's in my cart…

 This bra, this book, this serum, these electrolyte pills, and a subscription to the London Review of Books. 

Sidenote: If you are wondering if the Wit & Delight Gift Guide was a thing this year, you are in luck.

What I'm consuming…

The Gilded Age. It’s like watching a soap opera with a massive budget.

What resonated with me…

I stumbled upon an Adam Phillips 2015 essay titled “Against Self-Criticism” early one morning over the long weekend. It’s a long academic read about what Freud got right (and wrong) about consciousness, dotted with cutting truths about our fear of losing love and lightly sprinkled with psychoanalytical humor. In short, Phillip suggests this: Your inner critic is a loud-mouthed, unintelligent, repetitive buffoon with a limited vocabulary. And you give it too much power.  

In his essay, Phillips argues that we give our super-ego far too much control. Clarifying what we get wrong about Freud and consciousness by using examples from Hamlet and Don Quixote, Phillips argues our super-ego isn’t much more than an intellectually stunted bully. He writes that if we met him, “We would think there was something wrong with him. He would just be boring and cruel.”

This all gave me a much-needed laugh in the face of my own inner critic, who often tells me I should “quit writing and let the real writers do the talking.” Discrediting the mouthpiece of my inner fears certainly helps me move forward in the face of self-doubt.

Lightheartedness aside, for some of us, the inner beatdown has contributed to a lifetime of anxiety, one that was often modeled by our caregivers and passed on as a way of coping with the uncertainty of life. For this reason, I was deeply moved by this piece.

This line stuck with me:

“Like a malign parent it [the super-ego] harms in the guise of protecting; it exploits in the guise of providing good guidance. In the name of health and safety it creates a life of terror and self-estrangement.”

A question I've been asking myself lately…

What is behind your wanting? Asking this of myself has changed my relationship with social media; it’s gone from a place I loathe to a place of deep curiosity. If we see how every piece of content is designed with the hopes of creating a reaction from the viewer, social media loses its hold on us. People become less unbearable and it’s easier to have empathy and wonder for the human carnival as a whole.

---

Space of the Week

The cozy home of @punainen.pihlaja feels like a living embodiment of a modern Pride and Prejudice. I found this account via one of my MUST FOLLOWS: @picnicforlunch

Until next week,

Image: sweater (similar), jeans (similar), shoes.

Chairs and rug are vintage. Print is by Gail Albert Halaban.