Kate's Five Things #44

Living outside the lines we draw for one another.

Catching Up

There is a meme floating around the algorithmic bubble I want to talk about.

The image features artist Minnie Riperton, famous for her five-octave melodic, “Lovin’ You.” The quote, “I am the softest and most ruthless I have ever been,” is not attributed to Minnie Riperton or anyone in particular. The image has the trappings of a viral meme, a visually arresting image with two disparate ideas squished through the flatness of the internet, giving way to another meaning altogether.

Riperton’s legacy returned in the spotlight recently when “Les Fleurs” was featured in The Idea of You this year. Having read the book but not seen the movie, I was surprised that “Les Fleurs” had already found its way to my Spotify Liked Songs playlist. All signs pointed toward Minnie, and I listened more closely to her lyrics.

The song goes: “Inside every man lives the seed of a flower; if he looks within, he finds beauty and power”—an anthem for rebirth, transformation, and growth.

The melody is sweet and soft; you can practically smell the fragrance of the sun-soaked lily of the valley.

Surrender, death, and rebirth, as natural as a flower in bloom.

Beauty is never soft or void of decay. It is known as beauty because of its counter.

So when the strikingly soft image of Riperton became the face of this authorless quote, of course we’d assume it’d be from Riperton herself.

For women, “Les Fleurs” resonates with the idea that embracing our full selves—both our softness and our capacity for a strong backbone—is a form of blooming. True beauty and power come from within, and setting boundaries is an act of self-honoring that allows personal growth, even if it means others might not understand or approve.

We love the idea of this woman. We plaster her on our social media pages.

We worship her until we decide she’s become too powerful, too successful, and we tear her down to a more comfortable level. A tale is as old as time. Taylor Swift. Elizabeth Taylor. Martha Stewart. The list goes on.

Last week, I listened to a couple discuss the Netflix Martha Stewart documentary, discomforted by the inability to put in her a box of “good” or “bad.” “I respect her, but I don’t like her”—their consensus being enough to critique a documentary they hadn’t seen. The idea of her was too complex in its dichotomy to make way for fascination; fandom remained impossible.

If I sound miffed, it’s because I am.

Martha Stewart has been sussing out internalized misogyny—and its shameful sidekick, self-sabotage—for her entire career. I’m not saying a high degree of perfectionism didn’t set some of us on a fruitless quest to outrun ourselves (raises hand); if anything, it brought us closer to the parts of ourselves many are too afraid to face. The other shadowy side of the same coin is being afraid of being seen trying in the first place.

We can stick our necks out there and get burned trying, or live in a prison of too much critiquing and not enough doing, frozen into inaction out of fear of judgment. Pick your poison.

We like women to be likable.
And we need more than one way to feel accepted by one another.

We like women to be modest in their success.
And we need more paths to achievement.

We like women to be down to earth in their appearance.
And we need to be free to explore our identity through self-expression.

We like women to be humble in the face of success.
And we need to be free to be joyful and delight in the fruits of our labor.

When you hear a woman remain unapologetic for being “a bit much,” how does it make you feel? Uncomfortable? Angry? Disgusted? Hopeful? Finally, seen?

I hope we have reached a time when we can hold ourselves accountable to our internal bias and take ownership of where we need to give ourselves and others the space and grace to be as soft and ruthless as they need to be.

In my personal life, there has been a development. I’ve become enamored with holding outcomes lightly while maintaining high expectations for my effort. When we’re not striving to keep the shame away, but delighting in the pursuits that light us up, high expectations are life-giving. I have never permitted myself to pursue anything with this vigor. With this joy. It feels like the beginning of everything.

Right now, I am keeping life as simple as it needs to be, allowing me more time to relish what delights or excites me. Soft, yet ruthless.

Giving it all and living as we damn well please.

House Call Last Week…

In last week’s House Call, “Signs You’re Not as Lost as You Feel,” I tackled the messy business of growth and why the roughest moments often lead to the biggest breakthroughs.

Here’s a snippet:

“One day, on one of my cry-walks, let go echoed in my head. My intuition was calling; I didn’t dare to answer. It seemed impossible—reckless!

Letting go meant dissolving into a shapeless nothing.

My whole life splooging into a puddle like an unset Jell-O mold.

I had spent months in negotiation with my terror, unable to accept fear as the price to pay for pursuing change. I couldn’t bring myself to let it go. Someone had to pay, and that someone was me.

Sometimes, forgiveness is all it takes to remake a life beyond tolerable and into something to delight in.

Sometimes, what’s left is to splooge, dissolve, and reset.”

How I'm feeling this week…

It’s that season when life speeds up and expectations start to creep in. A sense of urgency and overwhelm runs the show when everything feels important.

Going into the last month of 2024, I am reminded we are in charge of protecting what matters to us from whatever threatens to distract or derail.

What's in my cart…

The Black Friday sales are making my head spin. Everything is on sale. I am focused on what’s missing in my closet (not much) and gifts that will delight (both the giftee and my wallet).

Here are a handful of brands and products I wear/use regularly and their current sales:

Maria Stanley is 20% off sitewide
Mille is 30% off fall collections
RMS has Buy More Save More savings up to 30% off
Alex Mill rarely goes on sale–pieces are up to 50% off
Clare V is 20% off site-wide
Ruti (featured earlier this week) is 25% off site-wide
Dr Dennis Goss is 30% off site-wide and 15% off facial devices
NuFace is 30% off site-wide
Tower28 is 28% off everything
Heaven Mayhem is up to 40% off

Featured: Sardine Link Bracelet $75, Brooke Midrise Denim $173, Legends to Love Kit $55, Mellow Turtleneck Sweater $193, The Petite Wide-ish Pant, $194, Nico Cardigan $99, Britt Work Jacket in Recycled Denim $115, Fair Isle Beanie $55, Bunch Silver Earrings, $66

What I'm consuming…

Small Things Like These (the best book I read all year) and a lot of leftover potato casserole.

What resonated with me…

Haley’s essay on “personal style” and the new Flamingo Estate book, Guide to Becoming Alive. I also enjoyed this essay on the home and the choice to live alone.

A question I've been asking myself lately…

Can I sit with this discomfort?

I am holding a squat in Pilates. I am surviving my daughter’s meltdown. I am serving after a double fault. I am waiting for an important email and holding my tongue. When discomfort is invited to the table, it softens. It becomes part of being with yourself while you wait for whatever it is to conclude. Because it always does.

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Home of the Week - on hiatus for a bit!

Note: We’re pivoting from Space of the Week to Home of the Week to feature real people sharing real-time stories, photos, and updates of their evolving homes. If you have a submission, email us at hello@witanddelight.com with the subject line HOUSE CALL FEATURE.

Kate