Prioritizing Which Home Projects to Do First [Part 1]

Getting Unstuck at Home #005

Photo by Stephanie Sunberg

I often hear from readers who are overwhelmed by the idea of prioritizing home projects, because it feels like everything needs updating. And if everything needs to be changed, it’s hard to narrow down what’s most important.

Maybe you’ve been circling the same undone projects for months (or years)—a leaky faucet, a blank wall, a room that’s never quite worked—and it’s all starting to blur into one big ugh. You feel behind. Not just in home projects, but in life.

Social media creates a kind of cognitive dissonance where we feel like everyone else has it figured out, and perhaps we’re all a little embarrassed our house still looks half-baked in comparison.

Not to speak for everyone here, but: We’re tired. The kind of tired where even “make a list” feels like a list item we don’t have the energy for.

When home is a to-do list instead of a place to land, a place that can hold us, there’s a dissonance at play.

You’re Not Alone in These Feelings

For better or worse, most of us feel this same way. I was with a girlfriend the other week at her home. She lives in a large house that was built in the ‘40s, and all the furniture was included in the purchase. She’s gotten to a place of overwhelm where she’s wondering if they should just sell and rebuild.

Her home is a dream with a lot of quirks to solve. As I walked through her space, I noticed many cool things that stood out. But for her, after living there for a few years with three little kids and the desire to start a new chapter in her career, I could see from her expression that the house feels… heavy.

The same week, I had a consulting call with a woman having the same questions about a home a quarter of the size. She remarked how living in larger homes only made the same problems larger, but in this smaller space, the problems still persist. Where do we begin? Because it’s never really about having more. It’s about how heavy it feels to hold it all at once, even in a postage-sized studio rental. You might not be dealing with yardwork, but prioritization is always the priority. Knowing the answer to what matters most so we can make the best decision possible is universal, no matter the project.

It got me thinking about how projects in the home can be so overwhelming—how the little things feel like big things, and the big things can get buried in details. Clarity becomes hard to grasp. We become hyperaware of our home's flaws, and assume everyone can see them as clearly as we do.

Home Is Not a Problem to Solve

It’s a normal response to brace for judgment when seen mid-progress. And I think that’s part of what subconsciously drives our desire to complete these big projects as soon as possible. Where is the easy button to take away the weight of these decisions? How does one do it all without unlimited funds? The truth is—they don’t. And if it seems like they do, it’s a mirage—I can say this with certainty.

We’re all, always, a work in progress. The same things apply to the home. That newly renovated kitchen is probably still waiting for touch-up paint. Knobs are on backorder. The budget required them to compromise on a beige tile that they sort of hate. It’s just how it goes.

When people come into our home, most of us are bracing for impact—for others’ opinions, said out loud or unspoken—because it’s not finished. But in reality, I never have that reaction when I’m walking into someone’s home. It’s not even on my radar. I’m not looking for what’s incomplete; I’m just happy to be there. And if there is heaviness, I’ll ask how I can help.

Home is not a problem to solve. It’s not a checklist to plow through. It’s not a contest to see who can race to “completion.” If you take anything away from this essay, it’s this: I want my friends to feel at peace at home. And if renovations make us feel better about our homes, then why do so many people ask me why they feel empty, not at peace, and only relief (not satisfaction) upon completion? Why are they ruminating on what table needs to be replaced now that they aren’t fixated on tile?

Common Traps We Get Stuck In

When we’re trying to prioritize which home project matters most, a few patterns show up again and again:

1. We decide everything has to happen right now.

2. We compare our half-finished space to someone else’s “after” photo and feel embarrassed that ours isn’t there yet.

3. We start wishing we could fast-forward to the future instead of living here, in the middle.

Once those stories take over—everything has to happen now, your space should already look “finished,” you wish you could skip to the after—it’s almost impossible to see the next step.

There’s rarely a neat, universal order for what to tackle first. Most of the time, you already know. You just have to give yourself permission to start where it matters most to you.

In my case, learning to trust that instinct meant undoing years of operating inside a mindset I didn’t even realize I had—one I now call The Next Project Trap. It’s what I’ll share in Part 2, along with how I’ve learned to sidestep it and finally move through projects in a way that feels like home.

Coming up in Part 2 of Getting Unstuck at Home: Prioritizing What to Do First:

• The origins behind The Next Project Trap

• How I figure out the next step in my own house

• How to determine what matters most to you

• The little things that make it easier to keep going