This is not the first time your words have produced a profound realization for me. I also didn’t have people over when I was growing up, and that element of ‘hiding’ has punctured so many aspects of my life. Something I’m exploring now. It is hard to remain open when you feel messy, but it is so rewarding. Thank you for the encouragement and the heartfelt honesty, as always 💞
Hi Kate! I felt every word of this very, very deeply. So much of what you said is what I actually think about messes. They are real. They represent our real lives. They can be cleaned up. Today or next week! Entertaining at home is something I enjoy. I do project what I think people are thinking about my home onto the general mood of a get together. Or at least I used to. I hope I’m getting better. I’m trying! What things really look like is important. As you say d, we need to give ourselves grace and accept and love our sanctuaries for all that embody. Thanks for being authentically you.
This is the best article I've read on Substack in a while. I found myself wanting to highlight and print off basically every section! Such good re-framing prompts. I get so caught up with messes being failures, and not having the "house of my dreams" by any means, that I deny myself the connection I crave. Being a human is so strange. Thank you for your beautiful words and sharing your experiences. xx
What a wonderfully positive post! Thank you. Before the first lockdown, we used to host dinner parties, cocktail evenings, Eurovision bashes, in fact every kind of party you could imagine. I hugely cared how my house and garden looked to guests and I went all out with fancy cooking and artful tablescapes. But, one of the things we realised is that we never received very many invites back. A lovely friend told me the truth once: “We feel like our home isn’t good enough and our cooking under par. It’s not that we don’t love you, it’s just that we are worried you wouldn’t be very impressed!” Well, I was mortified! I can’t believe I ever made our friends feel that way. Now, we have small gatherings and simple food on a good old honest kitchen table. You’d be lucky if you got a napkin! But, it’s a darn sight calmer, I’m not running around like a headless chicken getting everything ready and our guests can actually breathe. It’s real and everyone seems much happier. Still can’t resist the over the top cleaning, but I’m working on it.
Yes! Both the organizing and systems-building as a kid and then growing up to realize we need to let go of the idea that our space exists as an image to project into the world. Our home exists to serve US, not the other way around. I have been through a similar journey in accepting all ways of being and treating a home. Thank you for sharing these thoughts -- I subscribed!
This is not the first time your words have produced a profound realization for me. I also didn’t have people over when I was growing up, and that element of ‘hiding’ has punctured so many aspects of my life. Something I’m exploring now. It is hard to remain open when you feel messy, but it is so rewarding. Thank you for the encouragement and the heartfelt honesty, as always 💞
I'm so glad it made a positive impact, Becca!
Hi Kate! I felt every word of this very, very deeply. So much of what you said is what I actually think about messes. They are real. They represent our real lives. They can be cleaned up. Today or next week! Entertaining at home is something I enjoy. I do project what I think people are thinking about my home onto the general mood of a get together. Or at least I used to. I hope I’m getting better. I’m trying! What things really look like is important. As you say d, we need to give ourselves grace and accept and love our sanctuaries for all that embody. Thanks for being authentically you.
Love how you are able to hold so many truths at the same time. It's a beautiful, rare thing and I'm really happy you shared with me.
This is the best article I've read on Substack in a while. I found myself wanting to highlight and print off basically every section! Such good re-framing prompts. I get so caught up with messes being failures, and not having the "house of my dreams" by any means, that I deny myself the connection I crave. Being a human is so strange. Thank you for your beautiful words and sharing your experiences. xx
Thank you so much Lauren. I'm so happy it resonated with you.
What a wonderfully positive post! Thank you. Before the first lockdown, we used to host dinner parties, cocktail evenings, Eurovision bashes, in fact every kind of party you could imagine. I hugely cared how my house and garden looked to guests and I went all out with fancy cooking and artful tablescapes. But, one of the things we realised is that we never received very many invites back. A lovely friend told me the truth once: “We feel like our home isn’t good enough and our cooking under par. It’s not that we don’t love you, it’s just that we are worried you wouldn’t be very impressed!” Well, I was mortified! I can’t believe I ever made our friends feel that way. Now, we have small gatherings and simple food on a good old honest kitchen table. You’d be lucky if you got a napkin! But, it’s a darn sight calmer, I’m not running around like a headless chicken getting everything ready and our guests can actually breathe. It’s real and everyone seems much happier. Still can’t resist the over the top cleaning, but I’m working on it.
Yes! Both the organizing and systems-building as a kid and then growing up to realize we need to let go of the idea that our space exists as an image to project into the world. Our home exists to serve US, not the other way around. I have been through a similar journey in accepting all ways of being and treating a home. Thank you for sharing these thoughts -- I subscribed!
Reminds me of the Japanese concept of Wabi Sabi, appreciating the "perfectly imperfect"/impermanence in beauty, as in nature.