Kate’s Five Things #34
Hello, it's me?
Catching Up
I was in the middle of a conversation recently when I realized I had had enough. I can’t exactly remember the topic of the conversation itself (complaining and gossip, probably), and it’s hard to know exactly what prompted my visceral reaction. But an inner voice—new to me and quite authoritative—was like, And… we’re out—time to go.
I politely found an opportunity to split and immediately felt a sense of ease, quickly followed by panic. Who was that? Did I just burn a bridge? What if I upset them?
Friends, my inner people pleaser had left the building. No notice, no warning, she was gone. And today I’m sitting here, holding the weight of my true feelings about a lot of things, wondering what the fuck to do next.
Growth is a messy business. I’ve come to love the pain of asking hard questions, the pain of not knowing what is next. Meeting this pain with curiosity has brought me back to myself. Sometimes we see parts of ourselves we abandoned long ago and invite them back like an old friend. Sometimes we surprise ourselves and are left asking what we really want—from our relationships, our friendships, our work, our families.
And that’s okay. It is ok to question things, to change your mind, to ask why, and maybe come to a conclusion that scares you. Delighting in others' safety and comfort can be wonderful, but it can also keep us from the truth of our needs, wants, and desires. And we cannot give the people who love us the opportunity to fully connect if we hold the true parts of ourselves hostage.
Last Week’s House Call
Last week’s newsletter, “Why We All Need to Brave Being a Beginner,” explored why sticking with a hobby I sucked at has brought me more growth than the ones where I had “talent” from the start.
Here is a snippet:
“I’ve considered tennis an exercise and an experiment in relearning what it means to play. Playing means putting yourself out there, being seen trying, and learning how to handle any outcome without making it mean you’re failing. And this is why I think adults shy away from hobbies we don’t excel at immediately. We long for the fresh start of new beginnings, but can't fathom the vulnerability of being a beginner in adulthood.”
How I'm feeling this week…
Camp started for my kids this week, and it's been a mixed bag of emotions. One of the kids knows no one in their group and watching them work through the anxiety and loneliness is hard, especially as I’m still coming to grips with my loneliness in childhood.
I’m proud of them for working through the big feelings instead of pushing them away and not giving up despite the discomfort. I’m also proud of Joe and me for listening and guiding them and not letting our discomfort get in the way of this growing opportunity.
What's in my cart…
These anchovy earrings and this bright yellow tennis dress. I’m on the wait list for this vest from Alex Mill, and I’m loving these shorts from Zara. We also just replaced our bed (which was falling apart) with this one from West Elm. It’s gorgeous in person and much higher quality than our previous one.
What I'm consuming…
I finally got through the third season of Bridgerton and absolutely LOVED the second half. Yes, it’s a corny show, but Penelope’s arc is my favorite by a long shot and it was far from fluffy. Watching her trust herself and her power while grappling with what it means to be seen gave me feelings. I can’t wait for next season! I am also almost finished with Tower of Dawn in the Throne of Glass series. It might be my favorite book yet.
What resonated with me…
I’ve been thinking a lot about how staying stuck—or staying in a pattern I don’t want to be in—has everything to do with not moving forward. As I gain more energy and excitement about work, this little quote from Jean-Paul Sartre reminded me of the life force that brought me to write and share online in the first place.
“I have led a toothless life,’ he thought. ‘A toothless life. I have never bitten into anything. I was waiting. I was reserving myself for later on—and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone.”
Perhaps it is time to really sink my teeth in again.
A question I've been asking myself lately…
Why am I moving so fast? Similar to my thoughts on trying less, slowing down has some of those same counterintuitive benefits. Trying less and slowing down is bringing me a clearer understanding of myself.
Space of the Week
I was talking to a friend about his dream of having a big birthday bash at Camp Wandawega and had to share their feature on World of Interiors here. Shot by Taylor Hall O'Brien.
xx,
Kate
This gutted me in the truest way: “Delighting in others' safety and comfort can be wonderful, but it can also keep us from the truth of our needs, wants, and desires. And we cannot give the people who love us the opportunity to fully connect if we hold the true parts of ourselves hostage.”
I was literally having this conversation yesterday with a best friend... I stepped up in a big way when she had her first baby two years ago, and seemingly decided to adopt the babysitter/dog watcher/food maker role and totally abandoned the friendship role, because I thought it would make her feel guilty vocalizing my need for play and fun and lightness, because she was so busy. But really, we BOTH wanted that, and she felt neglected too. And it was confusing and hard and painful, but the conversation was had and the new intentions were set.
So thank you for drawing attention to this and writing yet another beautifully timed newsletter 💗
I love that bed frame! I'm on the hunt for something but need one that is compatible with an adjustable platform and the struggle is real.