Kate’s Five Things #35

Just for fun

Jul 25, 2024

Catching Up

When was the last time you had fun? The kind where time, worry, and expectations fade away entirely? Where you are totally immersed in what you are doing for no reason other than the pleasure of enjoyment? I asked myself this question after a particularly weird week, where nothing was going quite right. I was lamenting my progress with everything and it took a while before I realized my inner critic had hijacked the show.

When things feel off, it’s easy to believe we need to work harder—do more, focus more, be more diligent—and be better. The thing is, when we say we need to be better, we’re inadvertently saying we’re not enough. It enforces the belief that who we are at this moment is not up to the task—that we’re lacking in some way—and that our effort must be painful or great to overcome.

When you listen to the motivation behind all of the “I need to…” or “I should…” or “I have to…” statements, it’s all about confirming you’re not enough. For me, this inner prompting is what pushed me to grow and build, and ultimately, left me knowing I was running a race I would never win. My “shoulds” brought me more than I could have dreamt of—and they had a cost. Because for all of us, there are seasons for pushing our limits, and there are seasons for clearing the way for new paths.

I’ve realized the season I am in now is about learning to do things differently, to let the “shoulds” alchemize into something new.

So what does one do, after a lifetime of working harder in the face of fear and failure? I don’t have the answer, but I do know it is helpful to remember what it feels like to be doing something that feels good.

Right now, for me, it is the joy and delight of cooking. I am not worried about my stirring technique as I hover over a simmering pot of food. I am not worried about my seasoning methods as I work with my senses to adjust flavor, trusting my instincts with what to do as I progress. I enjoy myself when I’m cooking. There is no striving, improvement, or expectations. It is pure delight.

Moving toward joy and flow instead of doubling down on a self-beatdown has changed my life. Each day I meet my “I should” with “I’m doing.” I replace the striving with ease. I meet effort with no expectations other than “I tried.”

I often wonder how many standards we hold ourselves to out of self-loathing. How often do we fall short because we already have decided we don’t measure up? How many expectations are outdated, not serving us, or simply part of the way we thought we needed to be to survive a life we no longer live?

Remembering we have access to delight—and the ease with which it manifests itself in our lives—is a huge step. Believing we deserve it can be a long road. But it’s there, in all of us, waiting for us to see we’re perfectly good enough in this moment to accept it.

Last Week’s House Call

In last week’s newsletter, “The Necessity of Break,” I wrote about what a break is—and what it isn’t.

Here is a snippet:

“Breaks can be part of the journey, for every accelerator needs a break. For anyone with an especially fast motor, finding your break means an entirely more exciting (and enjoyable) ride toward whatever long-term goal you’re pursuing—whether learning to play tennis, writing a long-form piece, expanding your garden, or making your home look and feel like you.
For me, taking breaks tends to lead to better decisions—and more fulfillment in the everyday. It activates the wise part of my mind that helps me move through life with more ease. Giving myself these pauses and breaks allows me to access the parts of me that can be okay with doing less.”

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How I'm feeling this week…

1. How I'm feeling this week: When you’re feeling down about yourself, it helps to know that no one else sees you the way you see you. That realization really helped me snap back into a better place. Maybe it will help you!

What's in my cart…

I just got this Left on Friday swimsuit and it’s so good. I always want good tummy support and love that it has a high hip cut as well as a slimming look across the lower belly. I want it in every color. I was gifted the cutest dress and jacket from Alix of Bohemia. This polka dot number is currently in my cart. Lastly, I have had great results with the Dr. Dennis Gross LED mask (purchased after I was diagnosed with early-stage rosacea).

What I'm consuming…

I am avoiding finishing the last book in the Throne of Glass series because I am not ready for it to be over! So I’m doing a little detour and reading All Fours by Miranda July (a favorite artist of mine). Also, can we figure out some sort of community-led dance class for aspiring yet geriatric Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders fans? Because I want to dance to Thunderstruck in a safe place with like-minded people.

What resonated with me…

These thoughts on rest had me nodding my head in agreement. Avoidance in the name of “rest” has been one of the most destructive habits for me to confront! This thread frames it up nicely. Here’s a little snippet:

“To rest is not to withdraw from your life completely, but to participate in it fully, deeply, wildly. To rest is to take your own hand and lead yourself through the dark, to trust the next sliver of light will always come. To rest is to weave softness and strength into a single thread. To rest is to trust your own two feet to carry you across the earth, even when you’re not sure where you’ll end up. To rest is to know that you cannot, you should not, always feel calm.”

A question I've been asking myself lately…

Do we know it to be true? There are a lot of opinions out there disguised as facts, and a lot of them happen in our inner worlds, too. There is very rarely a fear, neurosis, or worry that we can 100% claim to be true.